


Purpleberry Bliss

by romanticallyinept



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: Anal Sex, Aphrodisiacs, Barebacking, Begging, Bottom Felix Millstone, But no one can know, Canon Asexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Confessions, Ellie is so protective of Felix, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multiple Orgasms, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Overstimulation, Pining, Reader-Insert, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex Pollen, Sort Of, necessary tag for sex pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21554560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticallyinept/pseuds/romanticallyinept
Summary: Sanjar’s worried about a new medicinal that’s been popping up . It’s not one of Auntie Cleo’s, and it’s not Spacer’s Choice, either - he says it’s unbranded, unmarked, unidentifiable. Unfortunately, it’s also not something that can just be ignored. While the side-effects aren’t as drastic as that of, say, Adrena-Time, they’re not pleasant, either."So... it's a sex drug."AKA a gratuitous sex pollen AU.
Relationships: Felix Millstone/Reader, The Captain/Felix Millstone
Comments: 19
Kudos: 187





	Purpleberry Bliss

The job sounds relatively easy, at first blush.

Sanjar’s worried about a new medicinal that’s been popping up . It’s not one of Auntie Cleo’s, and it’s not Spacer’s Choice, either - he says it’s unbranded, unmarked, unidentifiable. Unfortunately, it’s also not something that can just be ignored. While the side-effects aren’t as drastic as that of, say, Adrena-Time, they’re not pleasant, either.

Well, not _entirely_ pleasant.

The six of you are gathered in the common area, the only place on the ship big enough to fit you all comfortably at the same time. Hawthorne hadn’t designed anything with the intention of having crew, and that much is obvious. You’re all crammed together around the table, Nyoka with a bottle of Zero Gee in her hand, Felix with his feet on the table, and it’s familiar in a way that would make your chest ache pleasantly if it wasn’t for the circumstances.

“So… it’s a sex drug.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose at Felix’s question. On the one hand, yes. The medicinal purportedly lowers inhibitions, increases blood flow and stamina, and generally boosts the user’s arousal. On the other hand, there is no fucking way you’re going to say the words ‘sex drug’ if you can help it.

“The side effects are the troublesome part,” you say, opting to ignore Felix’s comment. “The drug leaves the user’s system through, ah… release. And that’s the only way, apparently. Otherwise, it just continues to rattle around and make a mess of things in the brain, until literally _all_ you can think about is getting off.”

Parvati looks a little green in the gills, and you meet her eyes across the kitchen table. “I’m not taking you on this one,” you say, before she can get herself too worked up. “I’m not saying the rest of us would enjoy the curative process, but I’m pretty sure you’d hate it the most.”

Parvati blushes, but she nods. “Thanks, Captain,” she says, just loud enough for you to hear. You make a mental note to talk to her, later, because you’re pretty damn sure she would have made herself come along if you hadn’t benched her. 

“Ellie, you’re staying back, too.”

“Oh come on, Captain. I don’t…”

You hold up a hand, cutting off the tirade that Ellie’s winding up to. “We need our medic clear-headed in case anything happens.”

“...can handle myself just as well - oh. Yeah, no, that makes sense.”

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. Barely.

“SAM’s down for repairs for the next few days,” you continue. “So Nyoka, Max, and Felix - you’re my options. This is volunteer-only, understood? I’m not going to hold it against you if you don’t want to go.”

“Your chivalry is noted, Captain. I assume there are stipulations for those of us that do choose to accompany you?”

You nod at Max, running a hand through your hair. “Everyone that heads out is going to leave a statement with Ellie. You don’t have to say it. Writing is fine, just make sure you outline what you want to happen if you do get dosed. Partners, protocols, _supplies_ … whatever you think you’d want on hand if...”

“...if we have to take ourselves in hand?”

You throw Felix an unimpressed look, and the kid grins at you, lopsided and easy. “I’m leaving at 0800 hours,” you say. “Anyone who wants to join me should meet me in the bay. And make sure Ellie’s got your statement before we go groundside, got it?”

Felix murmurs, “Yes, Boss,” and that’s the closest you get to a crew-wide acknowledgement. You’re not worried, though. Your crew are good people, and they’re no idiots, either. They know that you have their best interests at heart. These statements are just a way of making sure that everyone gets taken care of the way they want to be. No more, no less.

The statement you hand Ellie later that evening is depressingly short. No one’s named, because the only people you trust to be around you when you’re vulnerable are your crew, and this isn’t something you can ask of any of them. You’re the boss, and that means looking out for yourself. The only other things you’ve written down are _lube_ and _turn off ADA’s safety monitoring in my room_. Should the worst happen, you don’t want any record of what you get up to floating around.

To your surprise, Ellie doesn’t make any quiet, cutting comments about your wants. Or, rather, the lack of them. She just nods and takes the paper, tucking it away into a drawer in her desk. 

“Be careful,” she says when you turn to leave. “And watch out for the kid.”

That, you suppose, answers your question about who is coming with you.

* * *

It’s Felix and Nyoka who meet you in the bay in the morning. They both have the good sense to look nervous, and if you’re being honest with yourself, you can feel the sentiment echoed in your own chest. Death and injury are always possibilities on the jobs you take, but this danger feels… different. It’s heavier, in a way that the threat of broken bones isn’t.

“You two give Ellie your statements?”

Nyoka rolls her eyes, but she and Felix nod at the same time. You’re about to turn away towards the door when Felix shifts, drawing your attention to him. “You did too, right?” he asks, and the concern in his voice is genuine. You think about telling him that it’s not his job to worry about you, but then you think about Ellie, telling you to watch out for Felix, and you decide you don’t want to discourage them from looking out for each other.

“I do try to follow my own rules,” you say, and your crew really know you, because Nyoka doesn’t even deign to reply, and Felix snorts, obviously amused. It’s a strange feeling, knowing you’ve managed to lash together this makeshift little family, this crew, that care for each other and know each other even though you’re all from drastically different walks of life.

It’s an ever stranger feeling, knowing that you’re throwing them in harm’s way on a regular basis.

* * *

You disembark at Cascadia. Sanjar’s heard rumors about the production site being just east of the city, and you figure it’s as good a place to start as any. There’s plenty of ruins, tiny pop-up towns that never really lasted long, and there are also more than enough caves and hidden delves to provide shelter for whoever is making the contraband aphrodisiac. 

“I’ve heard of this stuff before,” Felix says as you’re walking. “Or something like it, at least. Someone on _Groundbreaker_ took some, once. It was a dare. And before you say anything, I wasn’t involved. Honest. I’ll get fucked up on Zero Gee just like anyone else, but some of the meds freak me out. Anyway, he throws back this tiny little bottle, right? Can’t be more than a mouthful, if that, but as soon as he’s done swallowing he gets this look on his face like he’s going to be sick. He doubles over, and he puts a hand between his legs and then _he fucking comes on the spot_. Just from palming his dick through his pants. I didn’t stick around much longer, for uh, reasons, but I guess he got himself off three more times before he made it to the medbay. But it definitely wasn’t some weird orgasm-or-die scenario. He was just… sensitive.”

“I’ve seen similar,” Nyoka adds. “They’ll usually peddle it under the name Luxxxe, or N-Rapture, and it’ll say so right on the bottle. Good advertising and all that shit. It doesn’t pop up much, but Sanjar’s right. This shit is new. And a lot more dangerous, by the sounds of it.”

“It could be a disaster in the wrong hands,” you say, “which is why we’re shutting down the production site. Watching for it on the street doesn’t stop it from being created in the first place, and Stellar Bay doesn’t have the manpower to crack down on it hard enough.”

Nyoka strokes the machine gun strapped to her back in a way that’s almost loving. “We sure aren’t short on manpower.”

You hope, truly, that you won’t have to bring out weapons to get the issue solved. You’re not opposed to using violence, but only as a last resort, after you’ve exhausted all other avenues. You’re pretty sure that the crew mostly humors you - Parvati might actually support asking questions first and shooting later, but Felix, Max, and Nyoka are pretty much always primed for a fight. 

“Be careful,” you warn, and you’re about to tell the two of them not to go looking for trouble when Felix stops in his tracks. 

“What...” you begin, but then you feel it, too, the soft rumbling coming from the ground underneath your feet. It’s a steady, thrumming noise, unlike an earthquake and definitely like machinery, like the cannery back in Edgewater when it’s operating at full capacity. There aren’t many things it could be, all the way out in the middle of nowhere.

“Spread out,” you say. “See if there’s a hatch or some sort of entrance nearby.”

Felix heads off towards an outcropping of rock to your left, while Nyoka forges on ahead, checking out the path for any obvious signs of disturbance. You head towards a grouping of bushes which, if you were trying to hide a secret entrance to an illegal aphrodisiac lab, you would probably make use of.

A few sprats scurry out of the way as you approach, but the crooks don’t think like you do, because there’s no hatch hidden under the bushes. Still, you poke around the area a little bit, turning over fallen logs with the toe of your boot. You know that there’s something hiding underground, you just have to find a way to get to it.

You, however, find nothing in the little area you’re searching, not even a footprint to indicate that you’re on the right track. For all you know, the entrance to whatever’s underground could be miles away, connected to the source of the rumbling by twisting underground tunnels. You might not even be close. Frustrated, you return to the road to find Nyoka waiting there for you.

“Anything?” you ask, but she just shakes her head. “Damn. Well, hopefully Felix was more successful.”

You look off in the direction Felix went, but there’s no sign of the kid. You frown, an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of your stomach. You haven’t heard anything, no hints of a struggle or a fight, so Felix should be okay, but…

“Lollygagging as usual,” you say, forcing some humor into your voice. “Come on, let’s go see what he’s gotten himself into.”

Nyoka shoots you a look, but she follows you in the direction Felix went. You notice her machine gun is no longer slung over her shoulder - she’s holding it out in front of her, and it looks almost casual (as if a woman wielding that much weaponry can be casual). You appreciate having her at your back.

“Felix!” you call, half-expecting the kid to pop out from behind a rock. He doesn’t, though, and the feeling in your gut worsens. _Dammit_. You should have all stuck together. What were you thinking? Law knows what kind of people are running the operation - would they even have qualms about killing someone if they felt threatened?

“Captain, look.”

Nyoka points, and you follow her finger. For a moment you don’t see it, the splash of red against the sandy rock, but then your eyes fix on it. You know what it is instantly, and you know with a gut-wrenching certainty who it belongs to.

“There’s not much,” Nyoka says, and you can tell she’s trying to be comforting, but all you can think is that whoever made Felix bleed didn’t leave him laying in the dirt long enough for the blood to pool. And _that’s_ not really a comforting thought.

“We weren’t separated long. They can’t have taken him far.”

There are a few scuff marks on the ground, not enough to indicate a struggle, but enough to alert you to the fact that you’re probably not dealing with just one person. Your grip tightens involuntarily on the revolver at your hip - suddenly, you’re not feeling too keen on trying to talk things out. 

Nyoka goes over to the rock the blood is on, cocking her head at it before she turns to the side. She’s standing in front of what looks like a sprat den, a shallow, dark dugout under a jutting piece of rock. But then she steps closer, digging her feet into the sandy dirty, and shoves her shoulder against the rock. There’s a horrific grinding sound, and then the whole damn rock moves to the side. 

“Used a similar setup a few times myself,” she says. You look around her, and you’re confronted with a staircase that leads downwards, the base of it obscured in darkness. The staircase is pretty narrow - the two of you couldn’t walk down side-by-side if you wanted to. You grimace.

“It’s a nasty choke if they’re expecting us,” you say, and Nyoka shrugs.

“Then we best hope they’re not.”

* * *

No one is waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs.

It is dark, but it’s not pitch-black. Your N-Ray sword glows just enough to light up a few feet in front of you, and you’re grateful for it. You know you’re walking into a lion’s den, and most probably a trap, but at least you’re not going to walk in blind. 

A few more steps, and you hear the murmur of voices up ahead. You and Nyoka slow down, and you draw your gun. A few more feet, and the voices become clear enough for you to understand them. 

“You really think you’re going to pull off a hostage negotiation?”

That’s Felix. You feel some of the tension drain from your shoulders when you hear his voice. If he’s still alive, maybe there’s a chance these people can be reasoned with, talked down. 

“One more word, kid, and you’re going to be the next guinea pig for Purpleberry Bliss 2.0. So zip it, unless you want to put on a show for us, all right?”

You grit your teeth as bile rises in your throat. Maybe reason is off the table.

You take another step forward, but instead of landing on flat ground, your foot hits something round and loose. You stumble, and the object goes clattering away down the passageway, loud and echoing in the relative quiet.

_Fuck_.

“That’s our cue,” you say, and, raising your gun, your step around the corner.

There are four people in the room in front of you. You pinpoint Felix immediately, your heart flip-flopping when you recognize his unruly hair. There’s a bit of dried blood on the side of his face, but at the moment, that’s not what you’re concerned about. What you are concerned about is the man that’s standing directly behind him, one arm wrapped around Felix’s chest while the other hand holds a needle up to his fucking neck.

“Bastards got the drop on me,” Felix spits. He tries to squirm, but the moment he does, the man holding him jams the syringe up against his neck. You freeze, and so does Felix, his eyes going wide as his face drains of color. You wait, your breath caught in your throat, but Felix’s captor doesn’t depress the plunger. He just holds the syringe there, the tip of it embedded in the skin of Felix’s neck.

“Now, now,” the man says. “None of that. We’re all going to discuss things like civilized people. And civilized people don’t point guns at their friends, now do they?”

You get the hint. And as much as you don’t want to be unarmed, you don’t want to be the reason Felix gets hurt, either. “All right,” you say. You move slowly, pulling one hand back away from the gun. “All right. Nyoka? Weapons on the ground. We’ll talk this out.”

“Oh, fuck _that_.”

It takes you a moment to register it’s Felix that spoke. But before you can saying anything, before you can scream at him to _not do anything stupid, for Law’s sake_ , he’s moving. He reaches up, covering his captors hand with his own. The motion pushes the needle into his neck, pushes the plunger down. 

The man blinks, looking shocked, and you take the chance. “Get down!” you shout, and Felix drops. An instant later, you fire, putting a bullet between the man’s eyes. Behind you, Nyoka unleashes on the rest of them, havoc and destruction raining from her machine gun. 

And, just as fast as it started, it’s over. The smell of blood is hot and heavy in the air, and you’re panting, your heart racing, but it’s over. You and Nyoka managed to survive the encounter without a scratch, but Felix… You go over to him, kneeling next to where he’s laying on the floor.

He grins up at you, even if the gesture has a hint of a grimace in it. “I’m good, Boss,” he says, giving you a thumbs up. You aren’t looking at his hand, though. You’re looking at his neck, where a single droplet of blood is sliding down lazily over his skin. _Law_. You want to slap him silly. Instead, you grab his hand, pulling him up into a sitting position so you can drag him into a hug. 

“Idiot,” you mutter, and it’s all you can manage to say for a moment. Your throat is tight, and you don’t want to think about why. Why you’re kneeling on the ground, hugging one of your crew, feeling like your whole world was in danger not three minutes ago.

You lean back, turning Felix’s head to the side to examine the wound. It’s not bleeding any longer, but you know whatever was in that syringe made it into the kid’s blood stream. Whatever it was, he’s been dosed. You need to get him back to the ship, have ADA and Ellie run diagnostics so you can figure out the best plan of action, before anything too..

“Uh, boss?”

You look down, meeting Felix’s gaze. The kid’s cheeks turn a little pink as he reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck. He must see something on your face, because his expression goes wide-eyed and earnest almost immediately. “I’m okay!” he says. “Really, I’m fine. I know what was in the needle, so. No big deal. We should head back, though. Before…” He looks away. “Before it kicks in.”

Your stomach roils.

“They dosed you with the aphrodisiac.”

“Spot on as always, Boss.”

Felix’s voice is light, but the muscles in his jaw are clenched. He’s not okay, as much as he wants you to think he is. Fuck it, _you’re_ not okay, and you’re not the one who has an illicit aphrodisiac coursing through your bloodstream.

“Nyoka…” you begin, but before you can even decide where that sentence is going, she nods. 

“I’ll clean this up, make sure there’s no salvaging the lab. You get him home.”

You shoot her a thankful look and make a mental note to get her something nice next time you’re on _Groundbreaker_. Then your attention shifts entirely to Felix. He lets you help him to his feet, but he’s shaky when he stands - you loop an arm around his waist to help support his weight, and he leans into you, dropping his head onto your shoulder for a moment. 

“‘m sorry,” he mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear. “I know you’re pissed, boss, but I couldn’t let you put yourself in danger because of me. Especially not because I was stupid enough to get myself caught.”

You sigh, guiding Felix towards the exit. “You weren’t stupid,” you say. “I wouldn’t have expected anyone to handle 4-to-1 odds. But that stunt you pulled…” You take a breath, steadying yourself. Even reliving it in your head is a little too much. “Don’t do that shit, all right? You getting hurt is not a better solution than me getting hurt.”

“Sure, boss.” 

You want to argue, because Felix’s tone is not one of acceptance and agreement. But before you can, the kid doubles over, coming to a stop just shy of the doorway to the outside. “ _Fuck_ ,” he hisses. “Isn’t this shit supposed to feel good?”

You make a sympathetic noise, urging Felix forward. You end up half-carrying him, but you’re moving again, so you don’t mind. The sooner you get back to the ship, the better. “You’ll be okay,” you say, which is poor comfort, but it’s all you can offer. “I’ve got you.”

Felix mumbles something unintelligible, and then he passes out.

You’re unsure whether that’s a blessing or a bad omen.

* * *

Felix stirs as you cross the threshold onto the _Unreliable_. You’ve got him in a bridal carry, because it seemed slightly more dignified than throwing him over your shoulder, but you regret it the minute he looks up at you, his face flushed and his eyes wide and dark. For a moment you’re distracted, because Felix just looks… good. Beautiful. Handsome, you suppose, is the right word, but you’re not particular. 

“Can you stand?” you ask, your voice gentle. “Just have to make it up the stairs.”

Felix nods, and you help him right himself, trying not to wince in sympathy when he groans, clutching at his stomach. You force yourself not to look any lower than that. It’s not of your business what’s happening or what’s not happening in Felix’s pants. You just need to get him up to his bunk, and then find Ellie, and then…

The medic comes skidding around the corner, as if summoned by your thoughts. She takes in Felix’s state - his blown pupils, the way he’s leaning against you, the flush of his cheeks - and then she turns to you, rage already clouding her features. “You were supposed to look out for him,” she bites. If looks could kill… well, it’s a good thing they can’t. 

“You can be mad at me later,” you say. “Let me get him up to his room, and then you can show me his requests. And _then_ you can chew me out, all right?”

Your promise of sitting through her lecture later seems to mollify Ellie a bit. She nods, and then glances at Felix, raising her hands a little as if to say _what can I do?_ “I have to show him,” she says, and Felix just grimaces in return. 

“Come on.” You gently herd Felix towards the stairs, catching him when he stumbles and almost falls against you. “Easy. Whatever’s in that note, I’m not going to hold it against you. I promise. Okay? Your sexual proclivities aren’t going to change anything.”

If possible, Felix’s blush deepens. He doesn’t say anything, just nods, keeping his eyes on the steps in front of him. And you get it - the whole situation is rough and probably a tad embarrassing for the kid. You know he looks up to you, know he damn well near idolized you when you first brought him aboard. And while that’s died down a little, it hasn’t gone away. You’re not sure it ever will.

Finally, you managed to get Felix up to his room. ADA opens the door for you, and you walk him inside. “Go on,” you say, nudging him towards the bed. “I’m going to go talk to Ellie, okay? We’ll get you whatever you asked for.”

The look Felix shoots you is hard to interpret. On the one hand, he looks grateful, probably for the presence of a bed and the relative privacy of his room. On the other… he looks almost disappointed. Unhappy. You chalk it up to the drug - it’s probably making him want to latch on to whoever is closest, and right now, that’s you. And you’re about to leave.

“You’ll be okay,” you say encouragingly. “I promise.”

The kid smiles a little at that, nodding as he steps away from you. You miss his warm presence at your side almost immediately, and you have to remind yourself that this isn’t about you. He’s in pain, and the sooner you get down to Ellie and figure out what he put in his note, the sooner he can start feeling better. 

You step out of the room, making sure to close the door behind you. ADA engages the lock without you asking. You murmur your thanks to her, and then you head off to the kitchen.

Ellie is waiting there, leaning up against the counter, her arms crossed on her chest. She looks _pissed_ , but as you get closer, you notice a sheen to her eyes. Your posture softens. 

“He’ll be all right,” you say. “This is why we set things up before we left.”

Ellie wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and sniffs. You don’t call attention to it, however, because you don’t have a deathwish. “He doesn’t deserve this shit,” she says, stuffing one hand into her pants pocket. “I fucking… tell me the fuckers who did this aren’t still breathing, Captain.”

“Give me some credit,” you say, dryly. “I care about him too.”

She glares at you, but then she’s pulling a piece of paper out of her pocket. She unfolds it, scans it, and then sighs, reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose. “You better,” she says, and then shoves the paper at your chest before stalking off toward the engine room. 

You understand the comment when you see what Felix wrote.

_Hey, Ellie. I’m not exactly sure how to do this, so I’m just going to lay it out, plain and simple. If anything happens on the mission, and I need somebody to help, don’t send in anyone but the Captain. But I only want him if he’s okay with that and everything, so make sure he’s not taking one for the team. I don’t think I’d be able to look him in the eye if he… and he didn’t want… you know what I’m saying. As far as ‘acts’ go, I just… this is blanket permission, I guess, as long as it’s not going to fuck me up permanently. It’s just not fair to make me sit here and list all the things I’d be okay with him doing to me. I have weeks’ worth of ideas, and I need to get some sleep before tomorrow. Just… don’t show this to him unless you have to, okay?_

You’re alone in the kitchen. Ellie’s fucked off to Law-knows-where, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the note. The note. You read through it again, just to make sure you didn’t miss anything, didn’t misunderstand anything, but no, it’s clear. Felix asked for you. 

_It’s just not fair to make me sit here and think about all the things I’d be okay with him doing to me._

You shiver, the words sending an entirely inappropriate thrill down your spine. Felix wants you, has apparently been wanting you for a while. You try to think back, to use the 20/20 vision of hindsight on your interactions, but you can’t remember anything in Felix’s demeanor changing. He certainly hadn’t mentioned anything to you.

_Don’t show this to him unless you have to, okay?_

Law, the two of you are going to have to talk.

You bunch up the note in your fist. For a moment, you consider saving it, but it’s personal. The least you can do is try to protect a little of the kid’s privacy. You shred the note, tossing the scraps into the trash before heading back to Felix’s room. 

“ _Captain, it is important for you to know that Felix has tried and failed to achieve orgasm twice since you left his quarters._ ”

ADA’s voice stops you in your tracks. “Right,” you say, ignoring how rough your voice sounds. “Thanks, ADA. Will you let him know I want to come in?”

“ _Certainly, Captain._ ”

There’s a pause, during which you wonder if Felix will keep the door locked. It’s his choice, after all. If he tells you no now, you’ll walk away, monitor him through ADA to make sure he is actually coming down off the drug. But a moment later, the door slides open, and Felix looks up to meet your gaze.

He’s sitting on the bunk, hunched over on himself, the flat sheet from the bed wrapped around his shoulders. He’s shaking, you realize, making the sheet tremble around him. His curls are damp, already plastered to his forehead. He looks miserable.

“I’m sorry,” he says, before looking back at the ground. “I didn’t… you don’t have to be here, boss. I told Ellie to not - ah, fuck - to not let you pull your self-sacrificing bullshit.”

You shake your head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for,” you say. As you step forward, the door shuts behind you. “I’m serious,” you continue, when the kid doesn’t look up again. “Ellie showed me the note.”

Felix whimpers, pulling the sheet tighter around himself. “The whole thing?” he asks, and you think about lying, but you can’t bring yourself to do it.

“The whole thing,” you confirm. “It’s okay. We’re all adults here. I’m not going to hold some thoughts and fantasies against you, understood?”

“Yeah, Boss.” Felix’s voice is soft, but it’s there. “Understood.”

After a moment where no one moves, you sigh, moving to sit down on the bed next to the kid. “Come here,” you say, holding out your arms a little. “You wanted me here to help you out, kid, so let me help. Whatever you need right now, just tell me and we’ll get it sorted, okay?”

Felix laughs, and the sound is a little ragged, but it’s a start. He straightens, too, flashing you a shy, wry smile before he moves, throwing a leg over your thighs before settling into your lap. You hold him close, supporting his weight, and he tucks his face into your neck and lets out a soft, shuddering sigh. 

“There you go.” Slowly, carefully, you shift, sliding one hand up Felix’s back. You pause at the nape of his neck, because he shivers when your skin touches, but he goes back to being relaxed and pliant almost immediately, so you continue up to his hair, sliding your fingers through his thick brown curls. Felix positively melts at the touch, the last of the tension draining from his body. 

Well, almost all the tension. Felix is draped against you, and you can feel where he’s hot and hard, pressed up against your stomach. He’s not insisting, though, isn’t trying to rub off against you, even though you’re fairly certain that’s all he wants to do. He’s leaving it up to you, you realize, putting you in charge of taking care of him. Just like you asked.

“Good boy,” falls from your lips before you can think about it. And before you can take it back, Felix _groans,_ and you can feel the vibrations of it all throughout your own body. You can feel the boy shiver in your arms, and the need pouring off him is almost palpable. To deny him at this point would be cruel, and you’re not intending on doing that, but you feel the need to at least take things a little slower. To do it right.

“Do you want me to touch you?” you ask, and Felix nods furiously against your chest, his fingers moving from gripping the sheet to curling into your shirt. The sheet drops, catching on your knees but leaving Felix bare, naked and hard in your lap. 

“Please.”

You close your eyes, trying to pretend, at least to yourself, that that word doesn’t get you going. “Okay,” you say, before Felix can get the wrong idea, can mistake your pause for reticence. “Okay, just…” You reach up, guiding his arms up to loop around your neck. “There you go. I’ve got you.”

You slip your hand into the space between your bodies, and the moment your fingers touch his cock Felix jerks, a desperate, keening sound falling from his lips. His cock is a pretty shade of red, and you know it has to ache, especially since you know he’s been trying and failing to get himself off. So you don’t try to tease, or drag it out. You just stroke him, root to tip, your grip firm and your pace even.

It’s not a fancy handjob, but Felix doesn’t seem to mind. He’s trembling in your arms, still hiding his face as he bucks up into your touch, chasing the orgasm he needs. He’s a wrecked mess of noises, too, little groans and whimpers escaping his mouth every time he moves. He’s gorgeous, really, and you think of telling him, whispering it in his ear while you jerk him off, but then Felix’s breath catches in his throat, and his hips stutter, and then he’s coming. 

You feel it land on your shirt, hot and wet, and feel it drip down over your fingers as the aftershocks wrack the other man’s body. He’s positively shaking with it from head to toe, and you wonder if that’s it. Release has been achieved, after all. By all accounts, Felix should be fine, now.

But despite having just come all over you, he’s still hard in your hand.

“Hey,” you murmur, releasing your hold as gently as you can. Felix still whimpers, twitching with oversensitivity. “There. Is that any better?”

You know the answer to your question, even before Felix shakes his head. “S-some,” he manages, leaning back a little so you can see his face. He’s still flushed, still wide-eyed, but he looks a little less like he’s about to start crying, and that’s something you can chalk up as a win. “A-again?”

You’d tease a partner about that, normally, about being eager and insatiable, before giving them exactly what they wanted. You don’t tease Felix, though. You just nod, offering him a little smile. “I can do again,” you say, but as you reach for his cock again, he shifts, batting your hand away. 

“Not like that,” he says quickly, and then, inexplicably, his flush deepens. “Shit. I mean, sorry. That’s fine, boss. We can do that. I can do that. I…”

Shifting, you lean forward, pressing a kiss to Felix’s forehead. It’s a little gesture, but it shuts him the fuck up in favor of staring at you, eyes wide and confused. “Tell me what you want,” you say. “It’s okay. My hand’s probably a little rough right now, yeah?”

Felix nods shyly. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “I know it’d be easier to just…” He makes a jerking motion with his hand and shrugs. 

“What do you want?” you prompt gently, and it’s obvious that the kid’s embarrassed, that he doesn’t particularly want to answer, but his dick twitches against his stomach and he shivers, hard, ducking his head to muffle a groan against your shoulder.

“Fuck me,” he gasps. “Make it stop, please, fuck, I need…”

“Okay, okay.” You pitch your voice low, quiet and soothing. “I’ve got you. You have lube?”

In response, Felic grabs one of your hands, dragging it down behind him, under him, and… oh. Your fingers brush him where he’s slick and loose, and you briefly think about him stretching himself while you were in the kitchen, rough and fast, fisting his cock while he twisted three fingers deep inside of himself. It’s your turn to shiver, to have your breath catch in your throat.

The bunk’s not even worth thinking about, barely big enough for one person, much less two. But there’s room on the floor, and you plan to make use of that. “Gotta get up,” you say, gently patting Felix’s hip. “Come on. Just a minute, and I’ll get us set up.”

Felix moves off your lap, albeit reluctantly. He wraps his arms around himself when he stands, awkward, naked in the room while you’re still clothed and his come is drying on your clothes. But even then, he’s still hard, his cock bobbing obscenely in front of him, and it doesn’t look any more comfortable than it did a few minutes ago, before he came.

You grab the mattress off the bed, tossing it onto the floor. It’s not much - the mattress is still only wide enough for one person to lay on, but like this, you’re not trapped by the wall or the ceiling of the bunk. 

Turning to Felix, you grin wryly. “First class accommodations,” you say with a bit of a shrug. You hold out your hand. “Come on, sweetheart. Let me take care of you.”

The sound Felix lets out is close to a sob, but you don’t comment on it. Instead, you help him lay down on the mattress before quickly stripping down yourself. You want to hide the fact that you’re turned on, have been turned on, but there’s not much to do for that, for the way a wet patch has formed on your underwear, for the hiss you make when your cock is finally freed from its confines. 

Felix reaches for you, and you go willingly, covering the younger man’s body with your own. A few moments later you’re propped up on your elbows above him, nestled between his spread legs, your cock rubbing against the groove of his hip. And you’re hesitating. A handjob is one thing, something more easily brushed off, more easily forgiven, but this? This is intimate. It’s going to change things, one way or another. 

“Boss?” Felix’s voice is hesitant, mimicking the feeling in your own chest. The kid swallows when you meet his eyes, biting his lip. The look on his face is torn, almost anguished, and your focus is instantly on him. You’re about to ask, to prompt, to let him know it’s all right, whatever he wants, when he sighs, shaky and soft.

“Will you kiss me?”

Felix looks like he’s ready to take back the request the moment he says it, but you know, you know he doesn’t want to. He’s nervous, unsure, but this is something he wants, and Law do you want to give it to him.

You don’t answer, at least, not verbally. Instead you lean down, close enough that you can feel Felix’s breath on your lips, can feel the heat that’s radiating off his cheeks. And you pause, giving him time to move or push you away, but he doesn’t. He whines, desperate, and that’s enough to break what little resolve you have left.

You kiss him.

There aren’t any fireworks, and a part of you doesn’t slot into place, but Law, it’s good. His mouth is hot and wet, and he opens up underneath you, pliant and willing. You nip at his bottom lip before laving your tongue over the mark, and he shivers, letting out a broken little moan that turns into a word, and murmured, “ _Please_ ,” right against your mouth.

You break the kiss long enough to lick your own hand before reaching down to stroke yourself. It’s perfunctory, quick, and a moment later you’re lining yourself up with Felix’s slick hole, catching each of his labored breaths with your own mouth. “Ready?” you ask, and Felix nods, quick, desperate, trying to cant his hips back against you.

You kiss him again, and then, slowly, push forward.

Felix’s mouth is hot, but he’s searing inside. The heat of him pulls a groan from your chest as you sink in, inch by excruciating inch. And, like his mouth, his body opens up for you, welcoming you, tight and soft like velvet around your cock.

“Shit,” you breathe, and Felix swallows the word, arching up into you. His cock rubs against your stomach, and his whole body jerks as he moans, wanton, loud.

“Fuck me,” he says again, and there’s urgency in his voice. It’s a demand, and you don’t fight the urge to comply. You roll your hips back, just a little, not willing to give up how close you are to the other man, and then you rock forward, sheathing yourself in him again. After that, _not_ moving is night impossible. Felix meets you at every thrust with an eager arch of his back, a needy keening sound, with fingernails digging into your back as he scrabbles to hold onto something. 

The little pinpricks of pain send you reeling, rocketing you closer and closer to a peak. A glance down tells you Felix isn’t far behind you. He’s leaking onto his stomach, and his balls are drawn up tight against his body, and his eyes are wide and locked on you. You bite your lip, drawing on every ounce of self-control you’ve ever had not to come on the spot, because the look on Felix’s face is pure, unadulterated bliss. It’s ecstasy, rapture, euphoria, and it’s all directed at you. 

You shift, changing the angle of your thrusts, and it must be a good change because Felix’s eyes go impossibly wider and he clenches down around you, hard, and then he’s gone, spurting into the space between your bodies. You topple over the edge as he trembles around you, riding out the aftershocks, and it’s almost too much for you - the world goes blurry around the edges as Felix continues to move, to twitch and shudder against you, and you’re too far gone to do anything but let it happen.

* * *

When you come back to yourself, you’re lying on the ground next to the mattress, and Felix is on his side in front of you. He’s looking down, playing with a hole in the sheet, and there’s nothing in his posture that seems frantic anymore, but you have to be sure.

“You with me?”

When Felix meets your gaze, his eyes are clear. They’re tired, but they’re clear, missing the haze of lust and desire that you’ve become all too familiar with. He only looks at you for a moment, though. Then he’s turning away, almost curling in on himself, and on any other day you’d give the kid his space, but… but it isn’t just any other day.

“Felix,” you say, your voice soft. “We should probably talk.”

You wince as soon as the words leave your mouth, because Felix tenses next to you, his whole body going taught and stiff. He’s preparing himself for the worst, you realize, and you know what Felix’s worst-case scenario is. 

“Bad choice of words,” you admit. “Hey, come on. Look at me?”

Felix sighs, the sound whisper-soft, but he shifts, rolling over to face you. He’s not crying, but he doesn’t look _happy_ , either. He looks exhausted and resigned and just… down. You want to gather him up in your arms and murmur sweet nothings to him, but that’s not what he needs to hear. You think you know what he does need to hear, but the words are jumbled in your throat, everything you want to say trying to come out at once.

Finally, you take a breath, looking up to meet Felix’s gaze. “I think,” you say slowly, deliberately, “that we need to get some bigger beds on this ship.”

The sound Felix makes sounds more startled than anything else, but it quickly turns into a laugh, one that rumbles through his whole body. He shakes with it, dropping his head to hide his face against your chest, and you let him because the laughter is so, so much better than the melancholy. You even chuckle as well, pressing your mouth into Felix’s hair to muffle the sound. 

When Felix pulls back again, some of the tension has eased from the room. Felix looks confident when he glances up at you, humor still quirking the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he offers, and this time you roll your eyes, reaching up to cover the kid’s mouth with your hand.

“Stop saying stupid shit,” you mutter. “We established a protocol. We stuck to it. You’re okay, and I’m okay, and that’s what matters. You don’t need to apologize for getting dosed, or for asking for me, or for enjoying yourself, or any of that. If anything, I should be the one apologizing.”

“For?” Felix prompts, and you sigh. You want to keep this new, light and happy mood, but you’ve also got to be honest with the kid. You owe him that. 

“For enjoying it,” you say, and brace yourself for the fallout. 

Felix’s mouth snaps shut with an audible sound, one that would be funny if it didn’t sound like it hurt. After a moment, he shakes his head. “You’re sorry,” he says, “for enjoying sex?”

“At your expense!” Your voice is a little loud, but you can’t help it. “That’s… you weren’t in your right mind. You were sick, and in pain, and...”

“And still able to think straight enough to tell you to fuck off if that’s what I wanted you to do.”

You must look visibly confused, because Felix sighs. The sound is more fond than it has any right to be. “Ellie stopped by, after she gave you my note,” he says. “And I absolutely, positively did not want her to stay. I told her as much, and you can ask her.” He looks up at you, his expression soft. “You checked in with me. You were sweet. And hot. And I’m… well, I’ll be honest, I’m really fucking embarrassed, but as much as I wish this wasn’t how you found out that I… you know, it’s fine. We’re okay.” He pauses, biting his lip. “We’re okay, right?”

Reaching up, you cup Felix’s cheek. “We’re okay,” you say.

And then you kiss him. 

(If you stay locked in his room for the rest of the day, well. No one else has to know.)

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah. Sex pollen. I fucking love this trope, but I have issues with dub-con. So I did my best to make it as non dub-conny as possible. 
> 
> I don't know if there's a canon name for the aphrodisiac made from raptidon musk, but I think someone used N-Rapture in a fic I read. I'm partial to Purpleberry Bliss, of course, but that's only because it's my creation.
> 
> (I need extra love, by the way. I'm doing a playthrough where I turn Phineas in to the Board, and Felix is currently _pissed_ at me. It hurts my heart. My bby is going to leave my ship and I'm going to bawl like a baby).


End file.
